Ookie Cookie: Chapter 1 - Section C

Last time, we learned about the supposed origins of the mythical Ookie Cookie.

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“I’m telling you, it’s taunting me!” complained Linda to her best friend over chocolate pancakes one morning.

“It’s a cookie, Linda,” said Judy Tatamumakil. Judy was as sensible as one could get in the Land of Idunnowat without being tossed onto a catapult by the Silliness Enforcers. This was probably due to the fact that she was an Enforcer herself, who regularly warned people showing signs of seriousness by shoving bananas up their noses. “What’s in this biscotti? It’s hard as a rock!” To emphasize her point, Judy banged the edge of the breakfast table with the unnaturally solid treat.

“Don’t change the subject,” said Linda, grabbing the mistreated munchie away from her friend. “I’m going to find it, Judes. I’m going to find the Ookie Cookie.” Linda’s eyes shone. Her lips trembled. Her hands formed into determined fists. Her toes wiggled inside her favourite fuzzy purple slippers.

Judy smiled invisibly. It is the sort of smile one gives when one is amused by the sincerity of another person’s nutty antics. This isn’t to say that Judy did not have some peculiar quirks of her own. After all, the Silliness Enforcement Agency demanded that all its employees have at least 23 unique obsessions, compulsions, tics and phobias. She waited silently, sipping her morning tea, for Linda to continue her train of thought uninterrupted.

Coming out of her reverie, Linda poked at her stack of pancakes with her fork and muttered, “It’s not just a cookie. It is…my destiny.” She gazed off into the distance with another brave look and trembling lips when Judy interrupted with, “We should get going, Linda. There’s an early meeting at the Agency and you don’t want to be late for the museum.” Judy stood up from the table, tying on her Enforcer sash – a lovely sky blue with tiny golden bananas embroidered along the edges – and finished her tea. Linda started, looked sadly into her cup of hot chocolate and sighed.

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Some notes:

Judy Tatamumakil is a name from a Tambou Koala sketch that I did with Brenda and Robert after a period of all-absorbing obsession with Monty Python's Flying Circus and lots and lots of juice. In it, I was Judy Tatamumakil, who had small boobs despite a last name that suggested otherwise (tatas the size of a mumakil) and Brenda was Brenda Wafflebottom, whose butt wasn't as hot as it was suggested. Robert was a pompous voiceover man who was deflating us of our ego.

I wanted Judy to be a sensible character in comparison to Linda's lunacy, which is a reversal of our actual personalities. Not that Linda is completely sane, of course. The real Linda, I mean. Jesus, this is getting complicated.

In Westmount, maybe 10th or 11th grade, I baked biscottis and brought them to school. When they were freshly baked, they were soft and delicious, but by the next day, they were completely inedible due to their hardness. I think it was Jennifer who actually banged them on the edge of the cafeteria table to show how hard they were.

I'll probably be mentioning feet and toes very often in this book. It's not that I have a foot fetish, but I think feet and hands should be a main component when considering one's beauty. Yeah, I'm weird like that.

I was once told by someone (was it Jennifer?) that I have an invisible smile. For years, I didn't know what that meant until I saw America's Next Top Model, in which Tyra Banks is forever screaming, "Smile with your eyes! YOUR EYES!" Thanks, Tyra!

I rather like the idea of the Enforcers, these secret police agent types, walking around with elaborate beauty pageant style sashes. I could be changing the details of the sash itself, but for now the sky blue with golden bananas is lovely.