A declaration.

To: You people know who you are

Please, for the love of beans, stop over analysing stuff. Especially relationship-y stuff.
You make me oh so tired.

Yes, I am your friend. I consider myself a damn good empathetic willing-to-cry-with-you-if-something-bad-happens type of friend. But I am only willing to do so if there is truly something to empathize about.

If you believe that the guy you rejected but now have feelings for but he was seeing someone but then you have reason to believe from the oh so reliable evidence from Facebook stalking that he isn't seeing that girl anymore so maybe you have a chance again- You see? I can no longer form sentences to describe your situation. And I used to be excellent at forming seemingly run-on sentences that were actually quite sensible.

The point is, if you do this to me, I will sit there with my smile-that-isn't-quite-a-smile and say, "Ah."

Maybe in the process of becoming a nurse, I have learned to differentiate between "hard evidence" and "you are analysing the way someone waved at you across a dark room?" level of foolishness.

Do me a favour. If you are interested, ask the person out. Do it. And no, a text message asking if the person is "free" sometime in the future to do "something" is not good enough. SMART goals, people.

Specific-Measurable-Attainable-Relevant-Time-bound

If you didn't include all these components into your significant discussions for plan making with someone, then I can't be bothered to listen to you whine when it falls through. And I don't believe in coddling anyone. You can find someone else to help you cling to false hopes or any sort of delusions by saying, "Oh yes, she will totally come back to you one day. TOTALLY.", because I don't do that.

I. Don't. Do. That.

So don't call me heartless and unsympathetic and wah wah wah. Because it's not just one person who is filling a balloon with honey-coloured daydreams that aren't at all realistic. It's MANY people, each with their own individual balloons and it is SUFFOCATING me.

At one point, I had to resort to scream-praying to God, okay? I haven't prayed since grade 6, okay? I don't even believe in God. I did that because of you. And your yammering. And believe me, I'm not trying to burst your bubble. I'm trying to deflate it as gently as I can.

So please, help me preserve my sanity. By doing so, you will be helping to create a sarcastic and fun Judy. Someone you can truly rely on to congratulate or comfort you when something significant happens.

Help me help you.
Help me help you.

Love and hugs, your friend.

Cooking Attempts 41~42: Mmm~

Egg roll: 달걀말이
It's not the egg rolls that you get with Chinese food. It's basically an omelet that's rolled up. They sell square frying pans at the Korean market so that you can make a neat roll, but it's easy enough using a round one. You can mix in whatever you want (as long as it doesn't have too high a water content), but I chose chopped up kimchi. It was really easy to make. I used 3 eggs. Heat up the pan with oil, pour the mixture in. When it's about half cooked, instead of flipping the whole thing, turn the heat off and gently start rolling from one corner. Wait for it to cool in the pan so that it sticks and then cut into neat little pieces.

I think next time, I'll try a mix of cheese, green onions and red pepper.

Mackerel Radish Stew: 고등어무조림
It's not really a stew, because the liquid is simmered away as much as possible. But the closest translation is a stew, according to Yahoo's Korean dictionary. So! Cut some white radish (daikon) into bite-size pieces and line the bottom of a pot.

Cut some onions and layer on top of the daikon pieces.
I used frozen mackerel chunks that my parents brought for me from Toronto. They say that fatty fish are best for this recipe. I mixed chili paste, soy sauce, honey, chili powder, garlic and ginger and splooshed on top of the fish.
Then I put in just enough water to cover the whole thing. I also threw in some dashi (hard dried seaweed used to make fish stock) for extra flavour. Then I boiled at high heat for 15 minutes, medium heat for 15 minutes and low heat until the water had reduced to a sauce. The liquid from the daikon and onions thickens it just enough. The key is not to stir it while it's boiling. Otherwise the fish will break off into small chunks and disappear instead of staying nicely together like this!
I also threw in some chopped green onions just before turning off the heat altogether. It was really yummy. My first fish dish! ^_^

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives..."

Into the second year of Harvest Moon now. Relationships becoming more soap opera-like by day.

Year Two: Spring
Denny, that rat bastard, didn't do anything for Spring Harmony Day, which is when boys are supposed to give girls sweets. Sigh. Didn't get anything from Vaughn either, but that was expected seeing as how I only get to see him two days out of the week.
Decided to put all my efforts into my ranch to deal with the disappointment and was rewarded with the first prize at the potato festival. Mirabelle also gifted me with a white horse. I named her Winnie and brush her everyday.
Denny asked me out, but it was only to Chen's general store. Chen kept teasing us about how he should take me out to a nicer place on our next date. Denny kept insisting that we were just hanging out. I'm starting to get annoyed with his vacillations. Also, if he tells me one more time that I should start getting up earlier because the early bird catches the worm, I'm going to sock him. If he had to renovate his house just to fit another bed for a future spouse and figure out how to raise an island so that a church can be built for the wedding, he wouldn't be able to get up at 6am either.


Year Two: Summer
Spent summer trying to figure out how to upgrade my damn equipment so that I don't have to do all my farm chores one square at a time. I also raised up Rice Island out of the sea, which was a bad idea in retrospect, because I just don't have the time or the necessary equipment right now to grow rice. Dammit, should have raised Mushroom Island instead so I can forage for mushrooms, which is easy money.
Denny organized a fishing contest. I only got fourth place, because I'm still only catching small fish. Lanna, a former pop star, won first place. Now that I think about it, she's always hanging around the beach just down the street from Denny's shack. And I see them sitting together all the time in the Café. She better not try anything or I will cut someone.
My worries were later assuaged when I attended the Fireworks Festival. Denny asked me if I wanted to watch the fireworks with him. Ha! Take that, Lanna!


Year Two: Autumn
I walked into Mirabelle's store to buy some feed and was unexpectedly asked to help Vaughn take care of some farm animals. He was reticent at first, but accepted my help and told me that I wasn't completely useless. As heartwarming as his praise was, unfortunately I spied him a few days later talking to Sabrina, the meganekko daughter of the mine owner. He fixed the chain on her necklace for her. Damn them! I've got to either raise up Mushroom Island so I can start giving him mushrooms as presents or buy a cow so that I can get some milk and cook some porridge. ARGH, my brain!
As I still have many things to do before I can propose to Denny with the certainty of being accepted, I have decided to start up a friendship with the new guy in town, Will. He showed up on his yacht after I raised up Volcano Island. He's Sabrina's rich cousin, who's out to see the world. He's a bit of a playboy and I saw him talking up Lily the treasure hunter a few days into our acquaintance, which annoys me. But he has a yacht, dammit!


Year Two: Winter
Mining the depths of Volcano Island is the primary source of income for me in winter. As I am but a beginner miner, most of my finds are amethysts and topaz, but it should be sufficient to get me through the winter. How is it that you get a plate of gelatin when you pour water on little pools of lava? Perhaps it makes sense to a Harvest Moon geologist.
Gave chocolates to Denny and Will for Winter Harmony Day, but Vaughn wasn't around since it wasn't a Monday or Tuesday. I must say that the challenge of courting Vaughn is making him more desirable than Denny. Relationship with Will is coming along nicely. I'm keeping my eye on Lily, that treasure-hunting hussy, to make sure that she doesn't get her claws into Will.
Went to the Starry Night Festival with Denny like last year. Not close enough to Will yet and Vaughn is (AGAIN!) nowhere to be found. At this rate, I think I'll just end up marrying Will with his yacht and mining heir money. It's not mercenary if I find him genuinely likable.


*meganekko: "glasses(-wearing) girl" in Japanese, a term used in anime and manga to refer to females wearing glasses , which is considered their most attractive trait

So Robert gave me Harvest Moon for Christmas...

...and so began the adventures of Jutea, owner of Moopie Ranch.

Year One: Spring
So I started working on my new ranch. It wasn't as run down as Taro and Mirabelle intimated, seeing as how I have a huge island all to myself, with a dinky house, stable, supply shed and a large field. Started farming a few plots of turnips and potatoes and cleaning up my field of stones and branches. Turns out clearing away the rocks and branches was a bad idea, seeing as how they can be turned into material stone and lumber by using the sledgehammer and axe. Huh. There are also these huge boulders in the field that I just have no idea how to get rid of. It's still okay, because my stamina runs out at an alarming rate and I don't know how I would water all the crops if I had more planted than I do right now.
Wandered around town, saying hello. Everyone was welcoming, if slightly repetitive. Started scouting for eligible bachelors and found three that seem even remotely interesting. Denny is the fisherman who lives in the purple fishing shack on the east coast. He's super nice and friendly. Vaughn is the animal wrangler who lives...well, actually, I don't think he even owns a house. He's also standoffish, but he has an awesome black hat and has that mysterious vibe thing going on. Pierre is a well off gourmet who's on the main island to study ingredients and develop new recipes. Tried to give him some curry as a present, but he wouldn't take it, the snooty bastard.
There was a turnip festival at the end of the month, but alas, I had sold all my turnips accidentally and couldn't enter the contest. I won't make that mistake again.

Year One: Summer
Finally saved up enough money and lumber to expand my house. Sadly, the renovation doesn't include a kitchen, which seems silly to me. Also bought a chicken coop and Mirabelle was kind enough to give me a chick. Named it Cheepy. Can't wait for it to grow up and start giving me some eggs. Bought another chicken and named it Lauren to keep Cheepy company.
Growing tomatoes and corn this summer. There's a tomato festival at the end of the month, so I'm going to enter it. Experimenting with watering and ripening times to get the grade A tomatoes I need.
Bought a fishing pole and started testing out the waters. Caught some dinky fish! Gave one to Denny and he was really happy about it. Gonna start giving him one everyday from now on. Figured out that Vaughn (the mysterious one in the cowboy hat) likes eggs. Excellent. Going to give him a fresh egg whenever I happen to see him.
My tomato got second place in the festival! It should help me in my hunt for a husband!

Year One: Autumn
Finally built myself a kitchen, but so far I can only make chestnut rice, normal rice and bread. Gotta get more recipes somehow. Oh! I got myself another chicken and named it Kko Kko. And the brand new incubator lets me hatch new chicks every 3 days. Time to sell me some chickens! Going to keep the original three and sell the rest. Mirabelle also gave me a little dark brown puppy! I have named him Poopy.
Took an eggplant to the island potluck to add to the stew. Everyone said it was delicious. Of course it was. After all, my eggplant got first place at the festival!
Gave Denny a fish for his birthday. He was really happy and we have progressed to 4 hearts. Vaughn continues to be taciturn, but still accepts the occasional egg. Sometimes, I think he's just using me for the eggs.

Year One: Winter
There's no farming to do in winter, so focusing on my animals and gathering stone and lumber. Went to the snow festival and built a snowman with Gannon the carpenter, because no one else would help me. Apparently, I haven't been paying enough attention to them all. Well, of course not, I've been focusing on Denny and Vaughn!
Gave chocolate to Denny on Winter Harmony Day. Was going to give some to Vaughn, but as usual, he can't be found when you want him. So I ate the chocolates for stamina. Denny's showing more interest now. He invited me to watch the ocean with him and then guess what? He asked me to go to the Starry Night Festival with him! He invited me over for dinner (some fish stew and burnt chestnut rice) and then we went to the festival together. Now whenever I talk to him to give him his daily fish present, he hints at having a wife and children to go fishing with him. As much as our relationship has progressed in the past year, I'll continue giving presents to Vaughn until I can be sure of Denny's affections. Also, I've got my ranch to run. Hope next year will be more profitable so I can build a barn and get myself some sheep!

시

읽을수록 머리 안이 하얘지네.
이주동안 까맣게 탄 나의 가슴
어디 누가 주스로 달랠텐가.

The more I read, the whiter my inner mind becomes
My heart has turned into black ash in a fortnight,
Who will soothe it with a glass of juice?

Less than 3 weeks left.

I can do itsssssssssssssssssss.

The past 2 months have been nervewracking. I hate the sight of calendars now, as mine have scribbles all over the place with colour-coded due dates and notes on what I want to finish by when. Plus this flame of hatred that I feel whenever I look at certain bits written in fire engine red.

But it's okay. I'll be home soon. Granted, the rest of my family's gone ladidah-ing to Korea, so I'm going back to an empty apartment with probably no food. Yes. They're gone! My parents are gone until April to visit with relatives and look at some investment opportunities and my brother is staying there for...a year? two years? to teach English. I envy them mainly for the food. I was dreaming of a duck stew specialty in my hometown, but my mother's latest e-mail tells me that it's all gone to hell. It makes me mad. My brother started a blog of his own. There's a link to it on the right.

But I'll be in Toronto. That's the point. I'm going to stuff myself with food and meet friends and putz around watching the Food Network and playing video games. The last part will have to be at Robert's house, since I won't have cable or internet at the abandoned apartment. Le sigh.

I submitted my placement proposal for the final clinical course today. I'm applying to study at the PICU in SickKids next May. I'm hoping it will be a foot in the door for when I apply to work there as a real nurse. I want to work there SO BAD. It would help me oh so much. But can't think about it now. I gotta do readings. Then after readings, studying. Then after studying, exams. Possibly an interview with the head of the School of Nursing to discuss my placement at SickKids in between all of that.

I'll be home on the 19th. 17 days to go!

It's a work in progress.

I need somewhere to work out my course evaluation for a certain person at the end of this term. People seem to enjoy the bitterness and it never hurts to get feedback on one's compositions. This is only a draft. It will get updated as the bitterness accumulates and distills into the finest form of written cyanide. It's been awhile since I've written anything worth reading, so the purifying process may take awhile yet. But am I in a hurry? Not really. Whatever I have by December will be submitted. And then I have another 4 months to polish THAT draft and submit it again.

Subject: On the topic of course communication
The frequency of e-mails rivals that of the most virulent spambot in existence. The contents themselves, being so convoluted by length and pointless wordiness, are indecipherable to the point of making students shudder upon seeing the dreaded mail icon in WebCT. To actually understand the course itself, one must rely on those poor unfortunate souls who manage to navigate through the mazelike sentences through any combination of luck, sheer force of will and fear. If the tool that is supposed to enhance and facilitate understanding between individuals is simply ignored most of the time by the receiving party, then it is obviously not being used properly. One may be assured that after receiving up to five e-mails in one day that are marked as being important or urgent but say nothing, it should come as no surprise that students eventually end up ignoring them. Operant conditioning is a powerful thing.
A teacher must be professional at all times. If there are numerous questions on the WebCT discussion board regarding a certain issue, then there is a serious miscommunication from the teacher's end. As the provider of information, the teacher is responsible for answering questions in a manner that cannot be reproached for snarkiness or misdirected anger. If a question is answered directly, it must follow that students will be satisfied.

Subject: On the topic of a certain lecture
When one clearly loses one's voice and cannot be understood even with a microphone, it is an appropriate time to cancel class. Students learn nothing from a teacher who sounds as though she is on the threshold of death. It should be obvious that miming is not an effective communcation method. This is a university class and not a 3-hour game of charades.

Subject: On the topic of course organization
A syllabus should not be 50 pages long. The information within should be easy to find. The most important part of a syllabus is the list of assignments and their due dates. This should be the most prominent, instead of being buried under paragraphs of mindless text. This helps not only the students but also the preceptors, since one may be sure that clinical nurses will not read all 50 pages of the package, if they've opened it at all. If one wishes to publish a book, then one can easily do so online at various self-publishing websites and not foist their prose disguised as course material on defenseless students. If the faculty is confused about what the course entails, then this is an indication that the expectations of the course are too much. The blind leading the blind will not end well.


Like I said, this is but a beginning draft. You can expect much more from me if I start having blood-drenched nightmares again.

Okay, so clinical placement this year...

There was a lot of confusion over my clinical placement this year. Honestly, I get a little jolt of fear running through me whenever I open my school e-mail and see a new message waiting for me.

First, the prof who is in charge of the course had some difficulty finding placements for people, because of all the health institutions trying to prepare for the possible resurgence of H1N1 pandemic in the fall. Which meant that instead of getting our placement information sometime in July as promised, we got them in late August.
When she did e-mail/call me, it was to ask if I'd had a psychiatry placement already. Because she'd asked for our résumés back in April, I hadn't included my fascinating experience from May (of which you know). She had wanted to put me BACK at the psychiatric institution. O_O

At that point, I was just worried about having a damn place to work during the year. I told her that it was not my first choice, since I'd already done psych and I'm sure there were many students who hadn't had that wonderful experience. (It's kind of mandatory to have psych before you graduate.) She said okay, that psych placement wasn't even a sure thing anyway.

O_o Why would you even offer it to me unless it was a sure thing?

She got back to me a few days later and said that I'd been placed at community clinic. Okay, it's sort of on the opposite side of Montreal, but hell, I commuted to Maimonides, which is like 2 bus stops down from there for a term. I wasn't particularly picky about it. The placement was described as "Services Généraux", which I assume to be regular check-ups and such. I contacted the preceptor listed on the professor's ginormous Excel file and sent my résumé.

I was so relieved at having found a place that was not psych (again) and was not exclusively geriatric (again).

Oh, this is not the end of the story. Last Friday, I got an e-mail from the prof, telling me that my placement was "lost". I was confused, because I'd already talked to my preceptor and he hadn't said anything about changing jobs. Apparently, I had talked to the wrong person, because the prof couldn't figure out how to line up my name properly in the Excel file.

Yeah. She couldn't figure out how to move my name down 3 rows in an Excel file.

-_____________________-

That's a severely disgruntled face.

She wrote that she was trying to find another spot for me somewhere else and that I shouldn't panic, because there was still a whole week left before our first week at the clinics.

I did not take this well. It was more of a panic than anger. There are clinical hours that I need to fulfill to graduate. How could they lose a placement in the span of a week? Also, why wasn't the prof telling me the possible consequences of not finding a place for me at all? Why the terrible lack of organization?

Okay, so there was a teeny bit of frustration in there. Just a tiny bit. That's when I decided, screw it, I'm not going to let it keep me from relaxing the Labour Day weekend away. So I did the Buddhist ritual of 108 bows, meditated and generally felt better.

Finally after badgering her in class and via e-mail, I received word that I would be placed in an Enfance-Famille program on the southwest corner of Montreal. I was really happy about it. It's easier to get to (on the green métro line) and babies! On Friday, my newly assigned preceptor called me back.

The first thing she said after we'd said hello was, "Do you want to talk to your prof about finding another preceptor for you?"

I think when she heard the voicemail I left in English (because duh, I'm anglophone), she thought she wouldn't be able to communicate well enough with me. I wasn't about to give up three bloody days before the start of our clinical duties. Unless she was going to move out of the city, get pregnant or fake her death, she was going to teach me and I was going to learn from her, goddammit.

Her: I use French mostly and I'm afraid I won't be know how to explain some things in English. I only use English with my anglophone clients.
Me: That's okay. I've been studying French since elementary school and I feel comfortable with it.
Her: Could you say something in French for me?
[Rest of the phone conversation was in French]
Her: You see, we write our charts here in French.
Me: I was at the Douglas in May and all the nurses there were francophone, most of the patients spoke French and reports were done in French and I had no problems. I took courses at McGill for both conversational French and written French.
Her: Hmmmm....
Me: Sometimes I might get confused if someone talks really fast, but I can look things up and I have no problems asking for clarification.
Her: Okay, which day would you prefer to meet?

If she had asked for a writing sample, I would have totally composed a damn essay right then and there in my zeal to keep this placement.

So hopefully, this year will go well. If another thing goes wrong with this, I don't know what will happen to my already fragile sanity.

Click the photo to see the detailed contents.

Cooking Attempts 33~40: Wow, I had a lot of food pictures on my camera. ^_^;;

짜장면 (Black bean noodles with pork)
This is Korean-style Chinese food. It's probably the most popular comfort food for Koreans, cheap and filling. Whenever I have these noodles, I think about this "Chinese" restaurant I used to go with my family back in Korea. There was a ginormous painting of a tiger on their wall and I used to stare at it while slurping down a bowl of noodles. Ahhhh~ memories. Anyway, it's usually got chunks of pork, onion and potato. For a little extra, you can get seafood in it too.




Tuna pasta salad
Um...it's tuna pasta salad! With onion and red peppers for colour. Nothing really special, but it was really nice to take to the hospital for lunch.




Egg salad with curry powder
I was bored of normal egg salad, so I sprinkled a spoonful of curry powder and Korean chili powder. It makes the colour pop, I think. Num.





삼계탕 (Korean chicken porridge)
It's like congee, but thicker. Probably because we use sticky rice. We use sticky rice for everything, even fried rice.

First I made chicken stock with drumsticks, onion and a whole lot of garlic.

When the meat was cooked, I took it out and rubbed pepper and salt all over it. This is while the rice was softening in the stock.

I stuck the meat back in when it was all done. Then a handful of chopped green onions!

Strawberry crumble
I had half a bag of frozen strawberries taking up space in the freezer, so I followed the instructions on the package to make strawberry crumble. I didn't have enough strawberries to make a decent panful of the dessert, so I used my Korean ceramic soupbowl. It was yummy, but probably would have been better if I had completely chilled it first.




Pearsauce
I bought a small basket of Bartlett pears for $2.50 on Tuesday. Knowing that I couldn't possibly finish it all before it started going funky, I decided to follow this recipe and make something that I've always wanted to try.

On the left, you can see the lemon peels I fished out after the pears were done cooking.

I also blended the hell out of it rather than using a potato masher, because I wanted a smoother texture and...I don't have a masher.

오이무침 (Korean cucumber side dish)
Despite the oodles of chili flakes you see there, this dish isn't that spicy. The cool blandness of the cucumbers balance it out nicely. It's really quick to make too. You slice cucumbers and then toss it with salt to take the water out. Wait for 20 minutes, rinse the cucumbers in cold water and then squeeze out the excess water. Then toss in some garlic, green onions, soy sauce, vinegar, chili powder and mix, mix, mix! Eat with rice, as with any Korean food.

Two days left until my last first day at McGill.

I've bought all my textbook already. $600 that I could've spent on so many other books that I would actually love to read. The English translation of "Good-bye Tsugumi" will have to wait a bit. At least until I get my OSAP money.

So I'm spending the 2 days tidying up the apartment and getting binders and books ready for the new school year. I'll be home in less than a year!

明後日、学校のはじめの日です。

私はそれまでレラックスするよ。

日本語の研究もする。

내일모레가 학교 첫날입니다.
나는 그때까지 쉴껍니다.
일어공부도 하고요.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of school.
Until then, I will relax.
I will also study Japanese.

Lendemain est le premier jour d'école.
Jusqu'à ce temps-là, je vais me relaxer.
Je vais étudier le japonais aussi.

My mother is right. I live for self-improvement. ^_~