A Seinfeldian Dream

It's getting to be that time again, when I get just a bit more insane with the pressures of school. Usually, my dreams are full of battles and blood, but this time, it was a strange mix of reality and fiction.

The dream started off with my parents coming to visit me in Montreal. They had brought a bunch of stuff for me, which included a hideous desk lamp. There were a dozen stainless steel arms of varying size, each with a different sized lightbulb under a bright red shade. This isn't important at all. It just stood out, because of its sheer unadulterated ugliness.

Then my parents decide to go out and get more groceries for me and I stay at home. I get a phone call from a made-up friend, who does not really exist and were I to describe him, he would be a less interesting version of Aaron Tsang. He tells me that he met my parents at the grocery store and he pretended that he was my boyfriend[1]. He seems to think that he did a good job and hints that he would like to me buy him dinner for fooling them so well[2]. We met at a Chinese restaurant where the sushi chef works at a counter which opens out into the street (sushi chef at a Chinese restaurant?). The imaginary friend talks to the sushi chef, even though we're not really inside the restaurant.

While we're standing on the street, two of my real-life nursing friends (Rachel and Stephanie) walk by and it becomes very awkward, because Rachel used to go out with my imaginary friend. The imaginary friend says that he's leaving, but before he does, he tells me that he loves me. I feel bad, but I tell him that I don't feel the same way. For some reason, I have the key to the restaurant register, so I open it up and take out $108 (5 $20 bills, 1 $5 bill and 3 loonies). I give the money to the imaginary friend and ask him to go away[3]. He does and Rachel says, "Oh, it's a good thing you guys are together." and I say, "No, we're really not!" The restaurant owner comes over to me and yells at me for stealing from the cash register. He puts my name down on the list of people who are banned from the restaurant[4], but when I look at it, the scribbles don't look anything like my name. I get kicked out of the restaurant and my friends and I start walking home.

I start to feel bad for rejecting my imaginary friend, so I decide to bake something for him and all of a sudden, I'm in a cooking competition with a bunch of my nursing friends and a prof as the host. She says that we have a short amount of time to make a dessert and points to a table with ready-made ingredients. I start off with three tiny pieces of dough. Two small squares the size of ravioli and one thin rectangle. I decide to put the two squares together with the rectangle, using melted butter. I start off by using a small paintbrush to rub the butter on the dough and then all of a sudden, it's like a videogame[5] and I'm using a mouse to brush butter on dough pieces onscreen. For some reason, I just can't stop buttering the dough and just before the time's up, I manage to plop it down on this thing that looks like a pie with a really round top crust. The prof/host says that we're out of time, so we can put our desserts away in our lockers and bake them next week.

I got home and started to e-mail my friends about something or other and Rachel says to me, "It's good that you know how to use the school e-mail system."

Then I woke up and I was really hungee.

So it's not as horrific as the leeches under the skin or assassins trying to kill me in hospital elevators or trying to stab dinosaurs in the eye with arrows, but it's somehow less coherent in some way. I think they're actually getting mellower!

[1] Seinfeld episode "The Beard" - Elaine pretends to be the girlfriend of a gay guy to fool his conservative boss.
[2] Seinfeld character Kenny Banya - He's constantly badgering Jerry to take him out to dinner.
[3] Seinfeld episode "The Strongbox" - Elaine starts dating a poor guy and tries to break up with him by paying him off.
[4] Seinfeld episode "The Race" - Elaine gets blacklisted from a Chinese restaurant.
[5] Cooking Mama - Cooking video game. Can't remember if I ever had to butter dough in it, though.