Thursday, October 14, 2010

Snippets of a conversation you would have overheard if you were seated at a certain table at Fran's 2 Saturdays ago

Anonymous: I just wish I could check if his Blackberry really did delete everyone like he said or if it was just me.
Judy: At this point in the romantic comedy that is your life, you would wait until he leaves his phone at his desk, casually saunter over and frantically dig through it for the information that you seek, but he would come back unexpectedly and you would have to shove the phone into your own bag and then a whole bunch of hilarious misadventures would ensue.
Anonymous: Like I even could. He keeps his phone in the back pocket of his pants.
Judy: Yeah and I'm sure that would deter you. o_O That would just add to the hilarity as you try to extract and then replace the phone in said pocket.

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Anonymous: Too bad he has a girlfriend.
Judy: At this point in the psycho drama that is your life, you would go over to his house, clonk the girlfriend over the head with a stiletto, wait for him to come home, clonk him over the head as well, tie him up and then demand to know who he loves more; you or her. Then you would probably buy and subsequently boil a bunny to show him how serious your feelings are for him.
[Okay, so that bunny bit was stolen from something else.]

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Anonymous: I just wish I knew what was going on. Does he really like me or no?
Judy: At this point in the romantic drama that is your life, you would meet him outside in the POURING RAIN, you in a modest dress that suddenly becomes ever so slightly see through in the precipitation and he in a light-coloured shirt that becomes clingy and reveals his toned physique. You would tell him that it's too late, he's left it too long and you've finally given up. As you turn to leave him in a teary huff, he grabs your arm, pulls you back and kisses you ever so passionately. Even as you protest, "No no, we musn't, it's too late", he scoops you up in his arms in a princess hold and carries you back to his abode, where the camera delicately pans away to the window where the storm is starting to subside, for it isn't that kind of film, oh no. The next morning, the camera pans back from the window along the streams of sunlight to the bed where you are vowing to love each other forever and ever, but then! The audience hears a slight plaintive cough. It turns out that you have both contracted pneumonia for not drying off properly like sensible people after your lovers' quarrel out in the rain.
Anonymous: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Pneumonia?
Judy: After months of suffering from this debilitating respiratory infection, one of you dies just as your love was starting to blossom.
Anonymous: What? NO! I want a happy ending.
Judy: It's you who dies.
Anonymous: WHAT? Why me?
Judy: You want HIM to die?
Anonymous: NO, I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE!
Judy: Well it's got to be you.
Anonymous: But WHY?
Judy: For the tragic effect, of course! He had JUST realized he loves you after such a long time period of stringing you along and being wishy washy. And THAT is when he loses you. What is more tragic than that? You're dead.

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[2 weeks later]

Anonymous: And he was just smiling at me. There we were, just smiling at each other on the subway.
[Looks at Judy expectantly.]
Judy: ...
Anonymous: ...
Judy: What, is your life a shoujo manga? Give it a rest.