Today was my last day working at the Children's Hospital as a nursing extern. While I might not have learned much about new ailments, medications and procedures, I learned lots of other things. Working in a small unit also meant that I got to see the same patients for a long period of time and follow their progress and development. When I first arrived back in June, none of the three toddlers could walk on their own, but now they're zipping down the hallway as soon as your back is turned and you have to chase them down before they lick the wheels of a baby carriage or something. There's a routine there and sometimes it did get a bit tedious, but it helps you become super efficient.
Anyway, you know how I love lists. So here we go...
Things that I learned1)
How to feed toddlers: I learned distraction methods, ways to disguise certain foods in other foods, hiding dessert until the main meal had been consumed, techniques to maneuver the spoon around scrambling hands to the mouth and ever so much more. Got a kid who likes to spit stuff out in order to see your reaction? Oh, my "I'm ignoring you for the next 30 seconds" face is positively stony.
2)
How to stop tantrums: My brother used to fling himself backwards onto the floor from a sitting position when he was a toddler. I was about 7, but I learned to strike my hand out lightning fast to cushion his head centimetres above the floor. Oh he would continue to whine, but at least there was no danger of a head injury. I found that the best method to deal with a tantrum is to pay attention but don't. One kid likes to fling herself backwards (from a standing position, no less). Of course I grab her arms so she doesn't get hurt, but then I lower her onto the floor gently and she can writhe around all she wants. Meanwhile, I stand above her with my arms crossed. "What drama for nothing at all. Let's stop the nonsense, " I say in a bored voice. She cries and wriggles for a minute or so and when she gets up and stops sniffling, then she gets properly comforted with a hug.
3)
How to give report: Report is passing pertinent information to the nurse who is taking over for during your break or the next shift. I still need some work on this. Usually my thoughts are so jumbled at the end of the day that I need a minute just to figure out where to get started. Of course, everything is charted, but it's faster for the nurse to hear the info directly from you and be able to ask questions. Lately, I've been writing down a short list of issues I want to mention as I write the chart, like "Sprint, Splints, Genetics, Nystatin" and these help jog my memory when it's fried from a 12-hour shift.
4)
I don't like 12-hour shifts: They have 12-hour shifts at this hospital, because they say that it's less hectic and confusing for the patients to have 2 different nurses throughout the day than 3. But it's very tiring and rather unfair, as the day nurses pretty much do a huge chunk of the paperwork and follow-ups while the night nurses are doing vitals or something. I hope that my hopeful working place when I'm a nurse (Sick Kids? Pretty please?) has 8-hour shifts. During the summer, I would start work at 7am, take a 30-minute break around 11am, take an hour lunch around 3pm and then go home at 7pm.
I had lunch when most people would be going home. Guh. From now on, I shall never feel that 8 hours is a long time to work. NUH UH.
5)
How to be patient: Let's face it. People are dumb. Children can be frustrating as heck. For heaven's sake, I'm trying to give you banana-flavoured medicine. BANANA-FLAVOURED MEDICINE! Do you really want something up your bum instead? Because that's the alternative: suppository up the bum. But no, you must never lose your composure. If you can't manage a smile, at least have a really good placid mask. It'll keep the patient from being startled at the sudden murderous flash in your eyes when she bites your arm. Which actually happened once, I'm sorry to say.
6)
Never get married to a relative: I of course knew this long before I started working at the hospital, but this summer, it's been pretty much hammered into my brain. If you can trace a common ancestor somewhere in your family records, then it's too close. Even if they're your fourth cousin twice removed (whatever that means), it's too close. Don't bother arguing with me. IT'S JUST TOO CLOSE. Now stop it. *shudder*
7)
I'm okay with all bodily fluids except for mucous (from nose, mouth, trach) and earwax: Feces? Fine. Urine? Fine. Blood? I LOVE blood. Blood is the best thing on this list. Snot? It's not fine. It's especially not fine when you're suctioning the nose and your Yankauer just keeps sucking out an enormous amount of [stuff] (edited for sake of reader comfort). And have you seen the way peroxide solution fizzes when it meets earwax? *deep breath in and out*
8)
But even when you're disgusted, don't show it: You're a professional, goddammit. If you need to silently scream because of the [stuff] that's shooting out from the trach when your patient coughs, put on a damn mask.
All in all, it was a very good learning experience, wouldn't you say?
